Under Siege

This is not a battle

I am under siege

The enemy throws itself against the walls

Howling for pain and death

I cower in the keep

Peering through a window at the fires below

Hoping for respite

Praying for retreat

The enemy outside

Relentless

Battering down the gates

Sneaking and probing for weakness

Bloodthirsty

Never sated, never still

Soon the walls will fail

The howling hoard will find me

It will raze me to the ground

I wrote this poem this morning, even though I'm not a very good poet. I just found out (through MyChart, of course) that my cancer has spread to my liver. My estimated chance of survival for one year just dropped from 43.31% to 23.65% according to the MD Anderson calculator. My first thought upon hearing this news was that all I can do is try to shore up the barricades while I sit and wait for this to consume me. This is not a battle against cancer. It's not a fair fight between equal armies. I am under siege, and it's only a matter of time before it wins.